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Saturday, May 1, 2010

Let's make the water turn black

*
Our finer citizens, many of whom believe that homos cause hurricanes, may need to consider how cute it is to chant "Drill Baby Drill." It's not cute: it's monstrous.

The drip drip drip of analysis (which BP surely knew two weeks ago) indicates that this disaster is on deck to be America's largest water pollution catastrophe, as projected in this NOLA Times-Picayune graph. I think Russia is still way ahead with China a natural favorite in the coming two decades, if that makes you feel any better. And anyway, don't worry: Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is "losing patience," so we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So imagine the eastern Gulf of Mexico, with toxic fisheries and black, gooey beaches writhing with dying birds. Then consider the hypoxic dead zone in the northwestern gulf, made possible by petrochemical companies, agribusiness, and luxuriant suburban lawns. Heckuva job, trickle-downers. I wonder if our finer citizens will ever understand that hurricanes are not caused by homos, but by Republicans. (Volcanos, too.)

"To some it might seem creepy what they do."



(Composition by Frank Zappa for a Cousteau Society documentary, via YouTube, performed by Ensemble Modern.)

4 comments:

  1. With subsidance and ongoing contamination at the end of the US agricultural alimentary canal, the area's just a sinking pool of death soon to be claimed by rising seas. But they throw a mean Mardi Gras!

    If God can cause earthquakes as punishment for exposed cleavage, then surely a little oily messing about in response to offshore drilling is possible. Of the 5+ separate mechanisms to shut off the flow in the blow out preventer, apparently none work either via remote actuation or direct robotic actuation. Does this suggest heavenly intervention? Any votes for Satan? Or Saint Murphy?

    Red Faust Adair

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  2. RFA: spending on first-world blowout preventers would have reduced BP profit margins, and since Corporations Create Jobs (say it 10 times until it sounds like poetry) such reckless spending could not be tolerated by any Patriotic American. Incidentally, I don't think it's credible to blame Satan for this: he creates corporations --- why should he go and embarrass them?

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  3. No more fish and $5 a gallon gas on the horizon.

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  4. 59er: I'll see your 5 and raise you 2. These audacious motherfuckers will leverage their own failures, which are war-crimes caliber, into record profits next quarter.

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