Light posting

Will resume a more regular posting schedule in the new year, when I recapture my elevated sense of self-importance.

Liberal claptrap

I came upon a short, instructive film from 1946 that basically explains everything about the past 28 years in U.S. political devolution. Not kidding. It runs about 9 minutes, and is about as awesome as a civics lesson gets. Or at least that's what I think.

For purposes of scholarly integrity, I disclose that I was pointed to the link for this film by Sadly, No! via Eschaton. For what it's worth, I don't really know who Jonah Goldberg is beyond what I read about him in mighty blogs like my own, but it's hard to believe that he influences any thinking whatsoever in this country. More probably he's something like a noisy, fetid bolus of think tank white papers seasoned with salt and cocoa butter, stuffed into a pale latex sheath and animated by stem cells harvested from Dick Cheney's denture linings.

Don't miss this little film. You may be highly impressed by its prescience and explanatory power. But then again, you may just think it's liberal claptrap. After all, who exactly would benefit from a civil, well informed society in which community power is shared and differences of opinion are respected? The proletariat, of course!

Happy Christmas

Merry old elf checking in. Tinfoil and rubber-band stocks significantly depleted. Liquor almost gone; eyes burning. Can't breathe --- passing out....

New! Lower Price!

Last weekend at the new Schnuck's store on South Neil Street, Champaign, Ill., I could buy 6 oz. containers of Yoplait original formula yogurt for $0.60 each. The dairy case was festooned with merry yellow-and-red labels announcing "NEW! LOWER PRICE!"

This weekend (i.e., today, 22 December) at the pre-existing Schnuck's on North Mattis, Champaign, Ill., I bought containers of Yoplait original formula yogurt for $0.65 each The dairy case was festooned with serious-looking red-on-white labels announcing "NEW! LOWER PRICE!"

Schnuck's, for those who have a need to know, is pronounced "schnooks."

Dodd delays rotten FISA bill

I wrote about this yesterday, but the headline of my post wasn't to the point. My letter, to Barack Obama and Dick Durbin (my state's so-called progressive U.S. Senators), was really about Chris Dodd's vow to filibuster a rotten revision of the FISA bill. The law would grant unconditional retroactive immunity to telecom execs and employees who may have helped rogue elements of the executive branch illegally and unconstitutionally spy on U.S. citizens. I demanded that both of my senators get Dodd's back and help make the filibuster work on behalf of the U.S. Constitution. (Obama replied with a longwinded, mealy-mouthed form letter by return robo-ping.)

Evidently, tonight Dodd succeeded in convincing the backstabbing Harry Reid to pull FISA from consideration until after the holiday Senate recess. I don't know or care about the details at this point, but hooray for Dodd! And a turd in the punchbowl for every other Democratic presidential candidate currently in the Senate who did not drop everything and haul back to DC to help Dodd line up a majority-proof filibuster. I am not interested in the purported leadership qualities of Obama or Hillary Clinton if they are not interested in showing some actual leadership on this critical issue here and now. I do not know what is the matter with these people --- more interested in being something than doing something, as the old saying goes. Trouble is, what they're being is opportunistic, irresponsible assholes.

A letter to Barack Obama

The following is the text of an email I sent to Barack Obama this evening about the Senate's impending grant of immunity to corporate executives and employees who may have cooperated in helping the current administration establish an illegal and unconstitutional domestic spying operation using U.S. telecommunications infrastructure:

Senator Obama,

I expect that tomorrow you will do everything in your power to support Senator Dodd's filibuster of the telecom immunity bill.

Nobody should be granted blanket, retroactive immunity for breaking the law or assisting others to do it. If telecom employees and executives want immunity from prosecution for breaking the laws of this land, then they need to provide their full cooperation in the prosecution of any and all government officials involved in violating the Fourth Amendment rights of U.S. citizens.

You want me, as a voter, to support your bid for President on the basis of your capacity for leadership. Fine: I want you to demonstrate your capacity for leadership by throwing your full and public support to Senator Dodd and his defense of what is left of our U.S. Constitution.

Sincerely,

[StuporMundi]

I wrote one to Dick Durbin, too, and it was even a bit snottier. Consider writing your own email along these same lines if you don't want politicians and corporations consummating their police state fantasies at the expense of our fundamental liberties.

Most awesome political prediction ever

Several days ago Steven Benen wrote a piece for TalkingPointsMemo in which he kicked around the possibility that no Republican presidential candidate will be able to win a majority of convention delegates next summer. His point was that they may end up with a brokered convention in which one of the nominees is shoved down the party's throat by the likes of Cheney and Big Business (for example), or else a so-called unity candidate might be shoved down that same orifice or perhaps the one south of the border.

I sent an email to Benen with a bold yet completely logical prediction: after the Republican candidates destroy each other and themselves, as is happening apace every day, the party will turn to two saviors who are completely beneath the radar at the moment. By comparison to the current crew, they will look clean and serious. I'm talking about Sen. Joe Lieberman (Ind-CT) for President and Gen. Dave Petraeus for VP. Benen did not reply, probably on the theory that I'm an ignorant crackpot.

A Lieberman/Petraeus Republican ticket would be the political equivalent of asymmetric warfare, and it would have Democratic leadership perplexed for weeks. They'll never see it coming and won't be able to decide how to respond. They'd be pre-out-triangulated.

Think about it: Lieberman gambled his career last year by snuggling up to despised Republicans to prove his "national security" qualifications, and he won. He has no future in a progressive Democratic Party, if such a thing should ever emerge. And now it is even being reported that he will endorse a Republican (McCain) for President, so Lieberman has pretty much already abandoned the Democrats and slipped them a green weenie besides.

Yes, Lieberman is Jewish, which the Cracker-Industrial Complex tends not to like. But I'm sure Republican propagandists could sell Joe to the party base as a "good Jew" to serve their current purposes. And for many "middle of the road" voters, who Republicans will need to dupe once again to keep the White house in 2008, Lieberman's nonstandard religion will not be an issue; it will even give those voters a reason to feel all proud of themselves for being "tolerant." And anyway, Joe would be balanced on the ticket by Petraeus, who is a soldier with name recognition, goddammit, and one who is associated with the Christian "brand."

Now don't forget where you first read this awesome prediction; later you can share my 1.5 minutes of fame by proxy.

Dental hygiene bonanza

In their fennel-flavored "natural care" antiplaque toothpaste with propolis and myrrh, Tom's of Maine, Inc., has brought the classic taste of Good & Plenty to daily personal dental care. I like it but can't shake the vision of black holes forming in my teeth as I brush. It's like an illusion of cognitive dissonance --- a psychological entertainment bonanza for the morning and evening toilette.

In case Tom's of Maine is looking for exciting new flavors, I would like to nominate "Milky Way." If that would create a costly trademark licensing issue for Tom's, my alternate candidate would be "bacon and eggs."

Autist as a young man

About 25 years ago I was hitting my stride as managing editor of a microscopic small-town weekly newspaper called The County Star, Tolono, Ill. (It's the town that might have been made famous by this movie if anyone other than this guy cared about it.)

By "hitting my stride" I mean I had discovered that the owner's only interest in the paper was selling it at a profit to some sucker, and that I could get away with publishing about anything that did not include the word "fuck." And so I did. One of my finest innovations was to enlist the editorial cartooning services of a college friend, a fellow named George who by many measures seemed to have a very tenuous grip on consensual reality. I could not understand what his problem was, but he was extremely withdrawn and from the time I met him in 1977 it was evident that he could barely function independently. For some reason I could communicate with him and relate to him, though, and soon I discovered he was a gifted verbal comic improviser (without him even really knowing that). On a hunch, I tried and succeeded getting him interested in drawing cartoons circa 1978, and was surprised how much he enjoyed it. It turned out that he had a knack for very economical caricature and a mastery of classic comic-strip timing. I envied him, myself being a guy who had long wanted to be a cartoonist but who had no real sense of humor.

Fast forward to 1982. I was surprised one day when George showed up in Champaign to study for an MLS at the University of Illinois. He regularly drew for me and seemed gratified by the kick I got out of his work. I saved it all. Much of it revolved around inside jokes that only I and a few college pals would get (hilarious nonetheless). Some of his stuff was of wider interest, such as when he would portray himself through what he accurately imagined to be my perceptions of him. In spring of 1983 I asked George to do some editorial comics, fortuitously at the same time that U.S. Rep Dan Crane was busted in a congressional page sex scandal. With hilarious results. At this point I do not have any scans of that work, but below is a sample of his personal work from the same year. (Click the image to see a larger, readable version.) The visible figure is me --- quite a good likeness of me from that era, complete with editor ciggie. But the star of the strip is George, offstage and not uttering a peep to the reader, with perfect timing.

In my eyes, George's visual style presaged a primitive, faux-outsider approach adopted by cartoonists like Lynda Barry, Heather MacAdams, and Derf. But George was no faux: he was a stone cold outsider. My hypothesis is that he was isolated by some variety of autism: tuned to a frequency of reality that most of us aren't aware of. With a good connection and, perhaps, a custodian, I feel he could have been a force in the alternative comics world.

By June 1983 George had earned his MLS and was manipulated into marrying a bad seed from overseas for Green Card purposes. By July they were on their way to Southern California, he to start employment as a librarian's assistant at a pittance. By August, The County Star had been sold to a wooden-faced redneck couple with beady eyes and thin, sinister lips. In September George returned to take care of some business I've forgotten, and was actually in the house the night Blondy was invented. By October, the rednecks fired me (even without the provocation of my providing asylum for an autistic political cartoonist). In November George called from California to say he had caused a fatal auto accident. By December I accepted a position in healthcare marketing communications and began one of my own occasional detours around consensual reality.

Update: a bit of of the text above was edited to improve historic and poetic accuracy.

Deep Thought of the Evening

The news media do not have a liberal bias, but reality does.

Disclaimer: I do not claim the thought is utterly original, just deep.

Outsourcing sex crime

Well, it probably wasn't really part of the Statement of Work --- not even for a Halliburton/KBR contract. After all, I'm not aware of any federal job series called "Gang Rapist." But maybe the free market fairies, to use an Atrios term, discovered an unmet overseas DoD labor requirement for sex criminals. Or something.

Over here, back in the USSA, maybe Oprah could get right on this story. Or, at least, maybe she could choose this book as her next reading club selection.

Giant cockroach

That's what I feel like I'm gonna wake up as. Quick: Kafka someone with a broomstick!

Here, as seen on Atrios. Once, in gradeschool, I got in trouble for calling my cousin (who had lived in Germany) a Nazi.

Let us pray. (Relax: the church security guards have us covered from the bell tower.)

Toilet paper debate resolved

Since yesterday's foul mood did not lift after my having committed two assaults and shoplifted a 50 lb sack of ice-melt from Home Depot, I decided to fill my mind with something important to displace the gloom. While hanging a vintage toidey-paper holder to provide a little more elbow-room in my nano-bathroom, my supreme apperceptive capabilities resolved the eternal toilet paper debate in an empirical way that avoids value judgments and satisfies the requirements of practical logic. The answer, of course, is that it depends on the holder.

Figure 1 illustrates a holder dating back to the dawn of scrolled toilet paper as we know it today. This type of device was a wooden cylinder held by a simple wire bail, which was attached to the wall (outdoor or indoor) with some sort of cleat or clamp. As Figure 1 shows, the overhand hanging method is most appropriate for one of these old-timey fixtures; the underhand method would leave the end sheet of the paper in a position to adhere to the wall via static cling (or indelicate residues), slightly complicating the task at hand for the user.

Figure 2, by contrast, shows a typical modern recessed fixture, which seems to be purpose-designed for the underhand hanging method; this design provides a "grasping margin" between wall and paper, owing to the paper's pseudo-cantilevering effect as it emerges from the recess and falls under the unconstrained influence of gravity. Using the overhand method with this type of modern fixture creates, psychologically, a more aggressive incursion into the bathroom's living space because the paper creates a sort of inverse knee-wall or short partition that gives the illusion of reducing potty elbow-room.

And that, as legendary WGN morning man Wally Phillips used to say, is why we call this "The Learning Place."

Bi-daily blogging will resume...

...when my existential nausea abates. I'll go find someone to kick around this afternoon to see if that will help.

Fact checking, NPR style

This morning NPR had a nice 'fact checking' round-table regarding the Democratic debate in Iowa last night. Economics correspondent Adam Davidson was asked to truth-squad a statement on Iran made by Joe Biden. Biden, who was rebutting some Clinton baloney about the recent non-binding Senate resolution demonizing Iran's Revolutionary Guard, said:

The moment that declaration was made, oil prices jumped over $18 a barrel.

Davidson wasn't buying it, being the economics correspondent that he is. Davidson:

I'd say this is the single most obviously untrue statement I heard in the debate.... Never in human history have oil prices spiked that high or anything like that.

Then Davidson swiftly supported his assertion by reminding listeners of the date of Republican Guard resolution, and presenting a brief summary of oil price movements immediately after the Senate resolution, deftly sending Biden scuttling for the cover of an MBNA mobile hospitality suite. Oh, wait a minute --- he didn't do that at all. Instead, evidently based mainly on his high respect for his own opinions, Davidson declared that the "generally accepted risk premium" added on top of the market price of oil accounting for "all the political tension in all the world is about 10 or 15 percent." And so, he concluded:

...the idea that one vote having to do with Iran at one moment would cause such a dramatic increase in prices is utterly unjustified.

I'm just a simple country editor, but I feel that an NPR fact check should make reference to some facts. This should have been a simple one to put to bed, too. But here I am, cranky as ever before bedtime, and I still don't know whether or not Biden's a big fibber about Iran. And the answer is not insignificant, either, issue-wise: if rattling sabers at Iran can affect oil prices or supplies, Matt and Stacey Merlot should be aware of that before committing to buy a bomb-Iran magnetic yellow ribbon for the Land Cruiser. (They might be able to get one at the NPR Gift Shop.)

This exciting public radio journalism circle-jerk format is so awesome that it deserves its very own special name: let's call it a "fuct check." They do it all the time.

Bigger than the sun

Thanks to Big Rock Head, I found myself out in the brisk December dark to help the little guy with an automotive coolant application. Noticing it to be the first clear night since gazoo, I got home and brought the binoculars out into the front yard to find Comet Holmes.

It's still out there, but far away from where we viewed it on Healey Street a month ago. At about 2100 Central Standard Time it was about 15 degrees off top dead center, slightly northeast. Very diffuse, but huge. The comet's apparent diameter is now larger than the moon or the sun. You really should try to view this thing, especially if you can get away from light pollution. It's rare that comets are so convenient to look at. Google "Comet Holmes" to find an up-to-date sky map. There are all sorts of comet wonks out there who will help you find it (would provide you a link myself, but I'm too busy). I'm using 7 X 25 Nikon binoculars, which collect a lot of light, but I'm told that 10 x 50s are optimal for the human eye. So, unless you have lizard eyes, go out and take a look. Tip: we cannot see its tail from our angle of view on Terra; it looks like a large, pale haze-ball.

Blog makes its own gravy!

I was curious to see whether I could sustain a blog without ever using the word "fuck." Evidently I cannot. This thing practically writes itself.

International Journal of Nana Studies 1(1)

Background and Objective

Nana has several ways of "making conversation." The objective of this report is to examine Way 1.

Analysis and Discussion

Way 1 consists of the following steps:

1. Make a statement that is preposterous, ambiguous, or shocking.
2. Wait for other person's inevitable request for clarification or more information.
3. Pretend not to understand why any clarification is necessary, thereby prompting more needless preliminary conversation.
4. Eventually make the actual statement that was intended, which always turns out to be mundane and just barely warranting a reply.
5. Hope for further response from the other person, especially expressions of perplexity or frustration.

The following example is a typical application:

Nana (chipper voice): There was a murder here at our complex yesterday... right in our back yard.
StuporMundi: What do you mean in your "back yard"?!
N: What I can see right out my window.
SM: What?! You sound awfully cheery about...
N: Pigeon.
SM: What? It was a pigeon?
N: Yes.
SM: Then why would you say there was a murder...?
N: There was a murder. It looks like a hawk or something got it. There was a big pile of feathers....

Conclusion

Nana enjoys "making conversation," and will do so irrespective of whether there is anything to talk about. This general philosophy of making conversation is often referred to as "small talk." Way 1 is most useful when wanting to make conversation about subjects that are even too small for small talk.

Recommendation

It is recommended that Nana Conversational Methodology, Way 1, be referred to as "Nanoconversation."

Late update (2 January 2008): Erratum

In the above recommendation, the generic term nanoconversation was incorrectly conflated completely with Nanoconversation Way 1. This variety (i.e., way) of nanoconversation is correctly identified as "Smallest Talk". The keyword list for this posting has been amended to reflect the correct nomenclature. The editor sincerely regrets the error.

Unintended consequences

The overthrow of democratic constitutional governments is, unfortunately, a mature line of business in this world. The most effective method for subverting an established democracy would seem to involve the synergy of lawyers, guns, and money. That style of coup, according to my everyday sense of things, works fastest and best in nations with only a short history of popular sovereignty or a weak tradition of same.

Lots of citizens are gloomy about the prospects of U.S. constitutional democracy, especially about America's apparent down-slope race toward something that smells like fascism (complete with state-controlled media). But even if you start from the debatable premise that most Americans live for consumerism and obsess on phony political issues that prey on their psychological insecurities, the U.S. is nevertheless far different from China or the Wiemar Republic or pre-Rat-Pack Cuba. No one has ever tried such a grand experiment in totalitarianism in a laboratory with 210 years of practice in constitutional democracy. It's fun to wonder what some of the unintended consequences of that experiment might be.

Update: I just remembered that, during Thanksgiving dinner, Nana opined that she hoped certain public figures got the "Mussolini treatment." Now wouldn't that be an unintended consequence? Blondy thought it was just hilarious.

I'm here

StuporMundi at your service. I'm here to spend 5 minutes alone with you each day (that I please).