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I live in a Big 10 university community, which I believe to be the lamest in the conference. I've always been amazed by how little this town has going on for itself in any respect---musically, artistically, socially, politically. But just how pathetic is it? Well, my friends, these twin cities, occupied by close to 150,000 souls, can literally generate only two Craigslist "missed connections" ads a month... and one of them is usually spam!This city typically has about as much life as you might expect in a place like Tuscola. The leatherfaced men gaze hatefully through dead cinder eyeballs from under the visors of NASCAR baseball caps; all women seem to be upholstered with cottage cheese and cud. I see more fire in the eyes of a single Amish lady on her quarterly field trip to Target than I can sense upon walking the entire length of Green Street in campustown, where the girls seem to use Photoshop instead of makeup, and boys roam in herds from bar to bar dreaming of their next opportunity for date rape.
Take, that, Garrison Fucking Keillor!
cottage cheese and cud? Good luck finding a date in town now.
ReplyDeleteActually you might be Big 11th of the 12 Big 10 cities. Remember, Columbus Ohio is one of them.
Ahhhh, the smell of rising bile and sputum offering loving salutations and compliments to the considerably chunky (and odiferous!) alabaster complexions of fair lasses one and all. It MUST be Spring.
ReplyDeleteAll women are beautiful. It's just that on occassion you have to look a little harder, occassionally squint, and sometimes mount a full on search even down to the molecular level using an adjustable scale of comparison that borders on the magical realm of fantasy.
Oil Can: I forgot "suet." I will correct the text at the top level.
ReplyDeleteAnon: I think you partially miss my point, for which I blame my writing (although I was just transcribing a bit of impressionistic mental commentary as it trudged through my noggin). Foremost, my commentary was about the particular place and time I occupy, and it did not solely target women. I think no less of women than I think of any other gender of Homo sapiens, and I believe that throughout most of recorded history they have been the more admirable gender by far. Again, I'm writing about the curse of a particular place and time. I don't even think this curse extends as far as Normal or Terre Haute.
But I will have to disagree with your remark that "all women are beautiful." If you have to look as deep as quantum phenomena, then the attractiveness is supplied by the original author of the Kabbalah and the dancing wu li masters. The most "beautiful" women I ever got to know were flexible plastic shells filed with flesh-eating bacteria and the fungus of bad will. The most Beautiful women I ever got to know were slightly homely, not ideally formed, occasionally a little slow, and sometimes sported thighs like tree trunks. Furthermore, the 21st century has been very cruel to the female soul; so much decay in so many....
Who said beauty was skin deep?
ReplyDeleteWho said "all" (to include molecular level peregrinations) isn't it's own rhetorical negation?
Who said it takes a third question to make a smart ass?